Commit To The Step
by Debbie Jacobs
Late one afternoon I opened an email message from a past client. Brenda* had written to tell me that she had taken my advice and was getting a divorce. I turned to my partner John and told him about the message. “Debbie,” he frowned, “you should not be telling your clients to get divorced.”
For the past 25 years I have been organizing and leading outdoor and cultural adventures for women. Some of the women who join me are veteran travelers while others are dipping their toes into the waters of outdoor activity and adventure to see if the temperature suits them.
Later that evening I called Brenda. “Sorry to hear about your divorce,” I said. “It sounds like you’re happy with your decision, but I don’t remember telling you to get a divorce, in fact I don’t remember talking about your husband, except in regard to the weather.”
Brenda’s husband had followed our itinerary on a weather website and would provide Brenda with daily forecasts. It had become something of a playful joke among us, “What’s Frank say we’re in for today?” someone was bound to ask.
“You didn’t exactly,” Brenda responded, “not in so many words anyway. But you told me to commit to the step.”
That was a conversation I did remember.
It was Brenda’s first time joining a travel group, and her first time doing any hiking. Like many of us trying something for the first time, she was nervous and unsure of herself. Couple that with a childhood throughout which poor health had limited her abilities and caused her parents to caution her constantly about ‘hurting herself’, and Brenda had plenty of mental obstacles to overcome before she’d feel safe trying something new. We were hiking in Virginia and had just arrived at a crashing waterfall. A small rocky path led down to a pool which afforded even better views of the torrent with sparkling rainbow mists creating a fog around it.
My co-leader offered to lead the way to the pool. Brenda wanted to go, but was obviously nervous about her footing on the trail. I walked with her and watched as she tentatively placed her hiking boot clad feet on rocks and roots. One of the rules of hiking on rock is that the more contact between the sole of your shoe and the rock, the more friction produced and the less likely you are to slip. Start tip toeing around or leaning away from where you want to go and-zip-your feet slide out and down you go. I explained this to Brenda and showed her how she should stand up straight and put her weight on her foot, “Commit to the step,” I said, “you’re less likely to slip.”
“Frank is a nice man,” Brenda told me, “most people can’t understand why I’d want to be on my own. But I’ve never really been on my own. I’ve always had someone telling or suggesting what I should do. Even those phone calls about the weather were part of it. Frank couldn’t control the weather, but he could be ‘in charge’ of making sure I knew what it was coming up.”
Many women joining us on an adventure discover abilities, talents and skills they never knew they had. Joining a group of strangers for a holiday is a big step for many women to take. Hiking on rocky trails gets easier when you understand that it’s your fear that is more likely to cause you to fall, not your confidence and purposeful strides.
After 25 years of marriage and raising two children, Brenda had decided it was time for her to stretch her wings and see what heights she could attain on her own. She made a decision and was committed to it, a decision she seemed content with a year and a half later when she joined another of our adventures.
The footing when walking the slippery paths of life, paths that lead to thin air heights with views that stretch for miles or through deeply shaded forests where twists and turns obscure the route, is always more secure if you ‘commit to the step’.
*Names and locations have been changed to protect the committed.